Spring Cleaning and Sex Toys

We all know you clicked on my blog today to read about the sex and not about the spring cleaning.  Don't lie, we know.  The story all starts with the cleaning though, so bare with me.  I know that it is clearly Summer and not Spring, mostly because of the way my makeup melts off my face the second I walk outside. But when you are the mother of an 8 month old, somehow you can be an entire season behind and not have a clue as to how that happen.  Since we don't have a pool in the backyard, we stay inside most of the day and this makes me want to clean, purge, organize, move things....you get it.  This week has been closet clean out.  Our bedroom closet is filled with all the crap that doesn't have a home.  Like old computers, suitcases and boxes that I have never gone through since the day we moved in.  

                  Warning: We are about to get to the sex part

In this pile, I found a stash of sex toys and other lude items that were given to me as a joke at my bachelorette party 4 years ago.  It was all part of a scavenger hunt competition and some of the girls got very creative.  Anyway, I put the sex toys in a bag and put it in the trash and forgot about it.  Well, today my sweet cleaning lady came to me with two bags in her hand.  She asked me if they were trash and when I looked in I saw all the sex stuff!! I was mortified and quickly said YES, yes, of course they are trash.  I tried to explain to her that they were a joke but I know she doesn't understand half the things I tell her.  She just smiled and nodded sweetly like she always does as I got redder and redder and sweat started to bead up on my forehead.  

Then she asked, "Can I have them?" 

Now that caught me off guard.   I said sure and then I guess to try to make the situation less awkward, which I am not quite sure that is possible, I just started giving her things.  I thought, maybe if she takes home a lot of normal things that will out weigh the crazy stuff in the sex bag and she won't judge me when she figures out what all of it is.  I hope she comes back next week.  She can do wonders with a mop.